Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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