Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
