Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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