In the future we'll all be gay
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
