I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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