I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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