do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
