I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
