Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
