theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
