I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
