Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
