The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize