Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
