Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
