i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
