he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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