Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She's the barista slut.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
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