Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
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