The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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