We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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