lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
