My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Randomize
