I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
