Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
