You smell like a Billy Joel song
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
