Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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