I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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