sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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