I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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