I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
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