I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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