So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
