My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
