Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
