just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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