they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
