I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
This baby is an asshole
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
