yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I can tuck mytits in my pants
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
This show inspires me to have sex in space
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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