im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
