goodnight i made you a song goodbye
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She's the barista slut.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Randomize
