i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
