So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
