...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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