you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
