So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
accomplished twins. life is a go
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
