a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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