so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
