And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
