And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
