I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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