Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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