Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
