Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I forgot how hot balto sounded
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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