She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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