they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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