I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
