ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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