Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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