What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
