question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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