im six kinds of drunk right now
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
