Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize