would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
