I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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