you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
