she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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