I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
