Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
my liver is dry heaving
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
