To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Is it because I queefed?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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