We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
