If i come over, it means nothing
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
