is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
