the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
this is an emotional support booty call
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
