I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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