my phone needs a breathalizer
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize