Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
