.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
