Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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