Someone shit on the floor
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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