I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
