Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
