There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Randomize
