if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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