Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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