You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
